is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
