I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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