i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
