is your mom at the bar?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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