Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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