today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
