I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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