Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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