her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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