I think i peed on brittanys purse
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
