how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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