make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
