guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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