I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
