watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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