We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
