so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize