maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
