just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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