Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
