We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
