Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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