I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
