also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
