I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize