I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
