Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
