I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just forgot I was standing up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
