fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
