You really coming over, don't trick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
