I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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