you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
