thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
