omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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