He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
