i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
