JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
