I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
