True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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