I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
