i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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