I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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