I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize