I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
