Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
