You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
