Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
