I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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