I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
