I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
