there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
