I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
