he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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