I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We are two peas in an std pod
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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