I need to stop coming to work sober
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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