Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
