i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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