you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize