This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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