his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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