Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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