You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
