You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
