shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
