I just made out with a guy for $7.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
