Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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