:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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