You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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