There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
