at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize