Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
