So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
