So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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