Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
