I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize