his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry about my life...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
