I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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