I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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