Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
