So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
