You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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