It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
