Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
