so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will be naked everywhere
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
