your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
