On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sarcasm needs its own font
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
