it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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