Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
