did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
