shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
