I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
