There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
